Hello there pop pickers. After coasting along for three albums of quite nauseating drive-time rock piffle Imploding Austro-Hungarian Assassins have returned to the generation-defining brilliance of 1998's debut album 'Funeral Flowers'. But why the sudden return to form?
Well: the band have followed in the sneakersteps of Manic Street Preachers, Revolving Heads and the Bay City Rollers in melding onto new music lyrics by a long-lost genius. In the case of Imploding Austro-Hungarian Assassins that genius is Gobshite. The key lyricist of 'Funeral Flowers', Gobshite was the Assassins's throbbing spleen. Known for playing an unplugged stringless guitar on stage, as well as carving 'I really am quite serious about all this' into a marrow and hurling it at a sheep, he died in 2001 after being in a coma for two years following an accident in which he was knocked over by some bin men.
But before his death Gobshite wrote thousands of words on the walls of a toilet cubicle in the Cabbage and Volvo, the pub he owned with former footballer Lee Sharpe. So, why use Gobshite's words now? Gordon Lee Pardon?, the Assassins's singer/guitarist takes up the story:
"We thought of turning the cubicle into an art instillation, with a waxwork model of Gobshite taking a dump on the john. But after Keeky Delbrannon from Homosexual Dog saw the words he told us they were so vital that if we didn't use them they would. And I wasn't having that because I can't stand those fuckers".
Imploding Austro-Hungarian Assassins haven't let down the memory of Gobshite. There was an enormous amount of goodwill spat at the band when I saw them debut this material at the Horse and Flipchart in early February and I was joined in my appreciation at the gig by the likes of trendsetters Jon Ronson, Ed Balls, Fox Tavern, Douglas Sirk and MC Toaster. And if anything the album sounds even better. I heard the record for the first time on my friend Ingrid Smooth's mp3 handbag, on mushrooms, in a McDonald's drive-thru car park. So let's take a closer look:
1. Shattering the Illusion of Democracy
You'll know this one as the band's unsuccessful Eurovision entry. Features the lyric 'and the water we are feeding you/will make you vomit blood'. Sounds like Bill Hicks fronting Erasure. A good start to the album, nothing more.
2. Picasso on Masterchef
The album really moves up a gear with this. Sounds like the banging sound inside Karen Matthews's head, with Gordon Lee Pardon? chanting 'that sick pet duck of mine/ is weeping fizzy Vimto' over and over.
3. Negotiating with Terrorists
Includes the lyrics 'me and DLT are out on the pull again' and namechecks Donald Sindon, Diana Quick and Bud Dwyer.
4. Censor the Truth
To a pulsating Slovakian Disco beat the lyrics accuse certain members of the British Royal Family of murder. Best not to get into that here.
5. The Semtex Bible
The title track features guest vocalist Joe Longthorne. The best track on the album. A 'Seasons in the Sun' for the fucked-up.
6. 11th Hour Policy Reversal
I've not heard this one. Ingrid forgot to sync it onto her mp3 handbag.
7. Pro-Celebrity Tragedy
An imagined eulogy at an un-named celebrity's funeral, to a tune not unlike Jolene by Dolly Parton.
8. Christine Chubbock's War On Complacency
The new single. Features a sample of Serge Gainsbourg telling Whitney Houston he wants to fuck her on a 1980's French chat show.
9. Me and the Hangman
This sounds like Wire wrestling with the ghost of Dean Martin, if you can imagine such a thing.
10. The Socially Conscious Marching Band
This sees rhythm section Freaky Tom and Brian Handgrenade to the fore, and they rustle up a funkstorm. As good as ringing in sick and watching every episode of 'Man About the House' on DVD.
11. I Am the Devil's Avocado
A live version of the Cool Mint classic, from 1999, featuring Gobshite on vocals. Recorded at a Sunday School in St. Helens.
A version of this review was included on a previous version of this blog.
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